The Life List Review: I Tried to Hate It, I Really Did. 😭

Are you absolutely kidding me with The Life List?! Excellent?! EXCELLENT?! I walked into this Netflix movie fully prepared to unleash a scathing, sarcastic masterpiece of a takedown, armed with enough snark to level a small village! I had my social media fingers practically bleeding from limbering up for the inevitable rage-typing! My vocabulary of scathing adjectives was polished to a razor’s edge, ready to cut this film down to size!

My entire brand was prepared for cinematic slaughter! But nooooo. It actually turned out to be… good?! My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is utterly, spectacularly ruined. Seriously, what fresh hell is this unexpected quality?! 😩

The Unforgivable Crime of Being Actually Good: My Brand is Ruined

Where’s the mediocre plot twist I was promised?! Where’s the lead actor who looks like they’re reading their lines off a teleprompter held by a squirrel wearing a tiny hat?! Where’s the cinematography that makes a washing machine commercial look like Citizen Kane (and not in a good, artistic way)?! There was definitely no Shadow Committee messing with the process of this movie!(Yes! Dakota Johnson we are referring to your comments.) My finely tuned snark detector was ready for maximum cringe, and instead, I got… quality?! It’s an outrage, I tell you! An absolute cinematic bait-and-switch! 😤

The Accidental Assembly of Acting Talent: Why Did They Cast Competently?!

Instead, what did I get?! A story that grabbed me by the throat and refused to let go, dragging me willingly (but begrudgingly) through every single scene! Characters I actually… gasp… cared about?! Who knew such a thing was even allowed in a Netflix movie I pre-judged?! The shocking quality was primarily due to the cast. Sofia Carson(Alex) and Connie Britton(Elizabeth) delivered performances so shockingly good they made me forget i was Performances so good they made me forget I was watching actors pretending to be other people and not, in fact, actual human beings living out their poignant, well-developed arcs! The sheer, unmitigated audacity! My expectations were subverted, and frankly, I’m a little offended. 😡

I Demand a Refund for My Emotional Stability! (The Feels Are Unacceptable)

And the feels! Oh, the FEELS! I was ready to scoff! To roll my eyes so hard they’d get permanently stuck in the back of my head, giving me an impromptu brain massage! But no! This movie, largely thanks to the utterly charming, non-cringey romance between Alex and Brad(Kyle Allen) had to go and pull at my heartstrings like a vicious little gremlin playing a sadistic harp solo, probably using my own emotional vulnerabilities as the strings! I may have even… clutches chest dramatically, feigning mortal injury… felt something! Disgusting! I demand a refund for my emotional stability! 😭💔

I came here to rage! To vent! To expose the cinematic atrocity I assumed this would be to the unsuspecting masses! And now?! Now I’m stuck here, feeling… positive?! Enthusiastic?! Like I actually enjoyed something?! This is an outrage! My carefully constructed facade of cynical disdain is crumbling, and it’s all ‘The Life List’’s fault! I demand a redo! A chance to hate it properly! This unearned joy is simply unacceptable! 😤

A Conspiracy of Craft: Brooks & the Technical Treachery

And let’s not even start on the writing and direction. The script, by some cruel twist of fate, was actually tightly constructed. Where were the glaring plot holes? The senseless, 40-minute diversion that adds nothing to the story? Nowhere to be found! The direction, courtesy of of the multi-talented cinematic conspirator Adam Brooks(who also Directed, EP’d, and Wrote, because apparently he hates giving us anything to complain about), clearly knows how to pace a film, delivering emotional gut-punches precisely when they are most inconvenient to my anti-fan agenda. The dialogue was sharp, witty, and dare I say… realistic? They didn’t even give me a chance to screenshot a gloriously cringe-worthy line for the social media feed. The absolute worst!

And the technical execution? Just another layer of this cinematic conspiracy! The pacing was annoyingly perfect, never dragging, never rushing, just keeping me locked in like some sort of unwilling captive. The cinematography refused to be cheap and ugly; instead, it offered genuinely beautiful shots that made me briefly forget I was supposed to be a hardened cynic. Even the score—that melodramatic, beautifully orchestrated weapon—knew exactly which frequency to hit to liquefy my internal cynicism and replace it with warm, fuzzy feelings. I object! My heart is not a soft target, but this movie treated it like a bullseye. 🎯

Should You Watch This? (Against My Will, Apparently)

Fine! Go watch it! See if I care! Just don’t expect me to be happy about it or send you a congratulatory card! I’ll be over here, grumbling into my lukewarm coffee about how surprisingly good it was and trying to reconcile my entire cynical existence with this unexpected, infuriating joy! This is a travesty! A comedy! A… a unexpectedly good movie that I am now furiously, begrudgingly recommending! There! I said it! Now leave me alone before I accidentally admit to enjoying another decent film! 😡🎬

Call to Action:

So, did ‘The Life List’ betray your expectations with its shocking quality too? Or are you one of those insufferable optimists who expected it to be good all along? Let us know your grievances (or, fine, your praises) in the comments below! And please, for the love of all that is snarky, recommend a truly awful movie for us to review next. We need to reset our emotional equilibrium. 👇🍿

Tagged in the Snarkive

The Life List (2025)Sofia CarsonConnie BrittonKyle AllenAdam Brooks