My inner critic came armed for a cinematic massacre, but ‘The Life List’ pulled a fast one. Now I’m stuck writing positive things. Send help (and maybe a bad movie as penance). 🎬😩
Are you absolutely kidding me with ‘The Life List’?! Excellent?! EXCELLENT?! I walked into this Netflix movie fully prepared to unleash a scathing, sarcastic masterpiece of a takedown, armed with enough snark to level a small village! I had my social media fingers practically bleeding from limbering up for the inevitable rage-typing! My vocabulary of scathing adjectives was polished to a razor’s edge, ready to cut this film down to size!
My entire brand was prepared for cinematic slaughter! But nooooo. It actually turned out to be… good?! My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is utterly, spectacularly ruined. Seriously, what fresh hell is this unexpected quality?! 😩
Where’s the mediocre plot twist I was promised?! Where’s the lead actor who looks like they’re reading their lines off a teleprompter held by a squirrel wearing a tiny hat?! Where’s the cinematography that makes a washing machine commercial look like Citizen Kane (and not in a good, artistic way)?! My finely tuned snark detector was ready for maximum cringe, and instead, I got… quality?! It’s an outrage, I tell you! An absolute cinematic bait-and-switch! 😤
Instead, what did I get?! A story that grabbed me by the throat and refused to let go, dragging me willingly (but begrudgingly) through every single scene! Characters I actually… gasp… cared about?! Who knew such a thing was even allowed in a Netflix movie I pre-judged?! Performances so shockingly good they made me forget I was watching actors pretending to be other people and not, in fact, actual human beings living out their poignant, well-developed arcs! The sheer, unmitigated audacity! My expectations were subverted, and frankly, I’m a little offended. 😡
And the feels! Oh, the FEELS! I was ready to scoff! To roll my eyes so hard they’d get permanently stuck in the back of my head, giving me an impromptu brain massage! But no! This movie had to go and pull at my heartstrings like a vicious little gremlin playing a sadistic harp solo, probably using my own emotional vulnerabilities as the strings! I may have even… clutches chest dramatically, feigning mortal injury… felt something! Disgusting! I demand a refund for my emotional stability! 😭💔
I came here to rage! To vent! To expose the cinematic atrocity I assumed this would be to the unsuspecting masses! And now?! Now I’m stuck here, feeling… positive?! Enthusiastic?! Like I actually enjoyed something?! This is an outrage! My carefully constructed facade of cynical disdain is crumbling, and it’s all ‘The Life List’‘s fault! I demand a redo! A chance to hate it properly! This unearned joy is simply unacceptable! 😤
When Alex Rose’s mother sends her on a quest to complete her childhood bucket list, it takes her on a journey that will make you both laugh and cry as she uncovers family secrets, finds romance, and discovers herself along the way.
Netflix
Cinesist Verdict: Should You Watch This? (Against My Will, Apparently)
Fine! Go watch it! See if I care! Just don’t expect me to be happy about it or send you a congratulatory card! I’ll be over here, grumbling into my lukewarm coffee about how surprisingly good it was and trying to reconcile my entire cynical existence with this unexpected, infuriating joy! This is a travesty! A comedy! A… a really excellent movie that I am now furiously, begrudgingly recommending! There! I said it! Now leave me alone before I accidentally admit to enjoying another decent film! 😡🎬
Call to Action:
So, did ‘The Life List’ betray your expectations with its shocking quality too? Or are you one of those insufferable optimists who expected it to be good all along? Let us know your grievances (or, fine, your praises) in the comments below! And please, for the love of all that is snarky, recommend a truly awful movie for us to review next. We need to reset our emotional equilibrium. 👇🍿
