Alright, Cinesist Crew, I just emerged from the digital purgatory that was the Xbox Games Showcase, and let me tell you, my Expectations were already low, but Xbox found a way to tunnel under them. This wasn’t a celebration of 25 years; it was a 2-hour long Rant generator dressed up as a press conference. 🤦♀️
First off, Bad Decisions abounded! An Xbox handheld that plays games from all stores? Bold, or just a desperate attempt to stay relevant? Then we’re hit with Ninja Gaiden 4 (seriously, has that franchise been good since the NES?!), an Indiana Jones DLC (because that’s what everyone was clamoring for, yuck!), and yet another Final Fantasy remake. Is Square Enix just trying to see how many times they can sell us the same game?
But wait, there’s more! Grounded 2 asks us to get shrunk again (didn’t they just fix the first one?), and the truly baffling decision to add FISHING to Fallout 76! 🎣 WtF, Xbox?! Turning a wasteland into a “waste… home” is just a new level of Chaos we weren’t prepared for. My inner fanboy wept.
And don’t even get me started on Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 and 4 remasters. Some things should just stay in the glory days of our adolescence, untouched by the cash-grab machine.
Then, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, after a smug announcement about more players on their platform, they hit us with “one final reveal.” And what was it? Another f—ing Call of Duty Black Ops! 😳 My deepest apologies, but go f—k yourselves. This isn’t innovation; it’s a commitment to mediocrity and predictable sequels.
The overall vibe was just… tired. “Seriously how long is this showcase of mediocrity. XBox really has fallen from the Empire it once was. I used to look forward to these events 😭” – a direct quote from my internal monologue, and probably yours too.
This showcase felt less like a vision for the future of Console Gaming and more like a company scraping the bottom of the barrel, hoping a few flashy titles and a mountain of remasters would distract us from the lack of genuine originality in the Industry.
The Cinesist Verdict:
This Xbox Games Showcase was a prime example of Over-the-Top marketing leading to under-the-bar results. If this is the future, we might just stick to rewatching our favorite Action movies on Prime Video.
Go on, you know you want to. The comment section isn’t going to fill itself, and honestly, this carefully crafted piece of meta-snark deserves a little applause… or at least a witty critique. Don’t leave us hanging here! 👇💥💻