Because We All Needed Another Reason to Question Hollywood’s Decisions. 🤦♀️
Alright, deep breaths, everyone. Cinesist is here to dissect this “Fantastic Four: First Steps” trailer, and honestly, the disappointment is almost palpable. You know, like the time Hollywood thought a grimdark F4 was a good idea, or when the 2005 version gave us a Human Torch whose biggest accomplishment was being Chris Evans before he became Captain America.
We’ve been here before, folks, and it looks like we’re getting more of the same.
- “Brave Astronauts?” More Like Chronically Unlucky Morons: The trailer opens with a glowing tribute to the FF as heroes. Yeah, we get it, they went to space. So did a lot of monkeys, and their movies weren’t this visually generic. It’s almost like they looked at all the previous F4 failures and said, “Let’s just do it again, but with less… personality.” 🙄
- “Family” Drama? Please, Get a Roomba: We get some forced family banter, with talk of dinner and being “the best uncles ever.” Honestly, the chemistry looks flatter than a deflated pancake. The 2005 F4 at least tried to make us believe they liked each other. This? This feels like watching distant relatives awkwardly interact at a mandatory holiday gathering. 😴
- “Your Planet is Now Marked for Death”: Oh, joy. Another world-ending threat with the emotional gravitas of a damp paper towel. Are we supposed to be scared? Because after seeing this trailer, the real fear is that we’ll be marked for two hours of cinematic purgatory.
- Guilt Trip! (Because That’s Fresh): One of the FF is blaming themselves for “stretching the bounds of space.” Shocking! A superhero taking blame for their powers. How utterly groundbreaking. It’s almost as if they pulled plot points from the “Generic Superhero Movie Bingo” card. 🤦♀️
- “We Will Protect You”: The trailer ends with the FF vowing to protect us. Bless their hearts. Given their past cinematic outings, and what we just saw, I’m already looking for a new planet to call home. Honestly, at this point, the only thing they’re protecting is Marvel’s ability to keep rebooting this franchise ad nauseam.
Set against the vibrant backdrop of a 1960s-inspired, retro-futuristic world, Marvel Studios’ ‘The Fantastic Four: First Steps’ introduces Marvel’s First Family—Reed Richards/Mister Fantastic, Sue Storm/Invisible Woman, Johnny Storm/Human Torch and Ben Grimm/The Thing as they face their most daunting challenge yet.
Marvel
Overall? This trailer feels less like “First Steps” and more like “Stumbling Backwards into the Same Old Pit.” It’s a mix of generic superhero tropes and forced family drama that feels like every other F4 movie trying (and mostly failing) to justify its own existence. Will it be good? Based on history, and this trailer, probably not. Will we snark about it until the cows come home? Absolutely!
What Do YOU Think, You Cinematic Savants?
Are you actually excited for this Fantastic Four reboot? Or are you already experiencing superhero fatigue so profound you’d rather watch paint dry than sit through this? Let us know in the comments! Are we being too harsh? Absolutely. And we regret nothing. We’re Cinesist, remember? 😉🗣️👇
