Cinesist

You found us! This is it: the very essence of Cinesist. Dive into our deepest rants, sharpest critiques, and most audacious observations about Hollywood’s glorious mess. Prepare for truth bombs, sarcasm, and zero filters. You’re home. 💥🎬

Good Fortune Trailer Breakdown: Keanu Reeves, Aziz Ansari, and Angels… What in Heaven is Going On? 🍀🎬

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Keanu Reeves, with large white wings attached to his back, looking intently at a woman with dark hair, on a rooftop or balcony overlooking a cityscape at dusk, from the movie Good Fortune.

Keanu Reeves as an angel, Aziz Ansari as a lost soul, and a whole lot of questions about divine intervention. Cinesist 🎭🍿 breaks down the bizarre brilliance of Lionsgate’s ‘Good Fortune’ trailer. Get ready for heavenly laughs!

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The Acolyte: A Post-Mortem – Why Disney’s ‘New’ Star Wars Fizzled Out (A Cinesist Autopsy) 💀

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The official poster for the now-cancelled Star Wars series The Acolyte, showing a cloaked figure standing on a cliff overlooking a body of water at sunset, with the "STAR WARS THE ACOLYTE" logo and "June 4 Disney+" release details.

It came, it aired 7 episodes, it went over budget… and then it was Force-ghosted. Cinesist 🎭🍿 dissects why ‘The Acolyte’ fizzled out, from its baffling premise to its ultimate cancellation. Read our brutal autopsy!

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Harry Potter Remake: Did Anyone Order More Child Actors? 🙄

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Stylized, animated depiction of young Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger (or similar characters) looking shocked or distraught while reading a book in a library setting, with Harry holding the book.

Alright, Cinesist Crew 🎭🍿, HBO just dropped news of a new Harry Potter TV series cast, and honestly, our magic wands are pointed squarely at the screen. Who asked for this? We’re already bracing for the existential dread of an unnecessary remake. Prepare your ranting voices, because this is a lot. 🤯

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Cage’s Spider-Noir: First Look Hits Exactly as Expected. 🕸️🥃

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Spider-Noir, a shadowy figure in a trench coat and fedora, stands in a rain-slicked, black and white city.

Cage fanatics, bizarre little hearts, and disillusioned cinephiles, rejoice! Nicolas Cage’s gravelly-voiced Spider-Noir is back for a first look, and it’s precisely the chaotic, noir-drenched absurdity we deserved. We’re not even mad, just… intrigued. 👀

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The Vampire Diaries: Night of the Comet (S1E2) Recap – Stellar Snark. 🧛‍♀️✨

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Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert holding candles at the outdoor comet viewing event in Mystic Falls.

Alright, gluttons for punishment! We’re dissecting The Vampire Diaries S1E2, where a comet, brooding vampires, and questionable life choices converge. Our mission? To find the comedy in the chaos. 🤣

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The Vampire Diaries: Pilot (S1E1) Recap – Fine, They Hooked Us. 🧛‍♂️💔

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Nina Dobrev as Elena Gilbert in a cemetery with fog, looking surprised or startled.

Alright, you gluttons for supernatural angst! We reluctantly pressed play on The Vampire Diaries pilot. And prepare yourselves: it… it actually got us. Don’t tell a soul, our reputation is at stake. 🧛‍♂️💔

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